watervole | How the British use names

Cultures are very different in how people use names, which name they use and how/when people introduce themselves.

For instance, I get very irritated when salesmen address me by my first name. My first name is for my friends. If someone wants to sell me a mortgage/gas company/sofa, he can darn well call me 'Mrs Proctor'. They only do it to make me feel I'm with a friend - you know they've been trained to do it for that reason - and it *grates*.

I love name badges at conventions - they remove all the awkwardness of asking people's names, especially when there's too many new people and you've forgotten...

If you meet someone at a party or in a social setting (assuming you haven't just arrived and been formally introduced by your host) how long would you wait before asking the name of someone you're talking to or before telling them what your name is? Would you do it immediately, after ten mins or so, maybe after a couple of hours, or never unless they asked you first?

(This isn't just about how easily you make friends or if you have Aspergers or whatever, I'm interested in English/american/Australian differences.)

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Since I'm hopeless at remembering names, I rarely ask any more. It's just a blind spot in my head. I can remember what people look like, where they live, what they do for a living, what kind of dog they have and lots of other detail -- but not heir names. It's very irritating.

It used to be "in the morning", but I'm a good girl now ...

ROFL

You owe me a keyboard - this one's full of coffee.... LOL

Alastair

When I was at Rotaract Conference in May, at our table for the Saturday night dinner we all agreed not to bother with names because we'd all just forget them. So we just did which club we were from instead.

I'm really bad at asking names, although I'm getting better in a work context. Socially I just hope it'll crop up in conversation. Or if I really need to know someone's details (eg to post something to them later) I'll just hand them a notebook and hope they write down their address as well as their name.

As for name usage, I refer to myself by my first name as there's less chance f it being mis-spelled or mispronounced. My signature is Firstname-Initial-Surname though, as that's what Dad used when he was racing semi-professionally, and we have the same initials. My prospective pen-name doesn't have a middle initial, interestingly enough.

Gina

I asked the new receptionist at work, "By the way, what's your name?" when I picked up a package.

At parties I generally chat away and don't ask and try to get someone to fill me in later. Often it turns out that all the people I ask don't know either, though.

> At parties...

Your position coincides with mine.

And mine.

For instance, I get very irritated when salesmen address me by my first name.

What really irritates me is, when I've been introduced to someone, and they immediately start calling me "Kathy". They may think that they're "just trying to be friendly", but it is actually patronizing and demeaning, and I loathe it.
Hasn't happened in a while though, or I'd use the new retaliation I thought up: give it to them back by calling them by the diminutive version of their first name.

If I meet someone in a social setting... I'd either say "Hi, I'm Kathryn" immediately, (with the expectation that they would reciprocate) or not do it at all, since one can have a perfectly interesting conversation without actually knowing the person's name, and I'd probably forget it anyway. It would feel really awkward asking someone's name after I'd been having a decent conversation with them.

If anyone calls me 'Judy' I waste no time in telling them exactly what I think about it. Not a lot.

So, she doesn't like being called Judy. (Files that away for the next time she asks me an impertinent question...:) )

There are far worse things I can call you back - evil grin. Almost anything complimentary should do it...

You know me that well, anyway:)

I get the opposite problem - I tell people my name, and they immediately use a lengthened version of it, assuming that that's what my name is short for. Excuse me? If I'd wanted you to call me that, I'd have told you that name. If I tell you what my name is that's BECAUSE IT'S MY NAME!!! For someone to say either "Hi, I'm Chris" "Oh, hello Christine" or "Hi, I'm Frances" "Oh, hello Fran" just seems incredibly rude to me. It's just the same as the conversation going "Hi, I'm Simon" "Oh, hello Sylvia". It's simply not the right name.

Incidentally, my name originally was the lengthened version that most people guess at. But it isn't now, I officially changed it many years ago, because I reallly hate the long version on me. Passport, driving licence, bank account etc. There are still some people who, after me telling them "please don't use the long version, it really upsets me and it isn't my name any more" still insist on using the long version. So I can only assume that they are deliberately trying to upset me, and stop talking to them.

When I was at uni I sat next to three other people in one particular subject for about 2 months when we suddenly all realised we'd never found out each other's names. We had a good laugh about getting to know each other and sitting together every week for so long without introductions, and then said our names.

One of them was called Zebedee.

My preference would be never to be called by my given name until I'd invited someone to; that is, as you say, for my friends. Alas, over here *everyone* immediately uses your first name - they'll pick it off your ID or check or whatever, without asking your preference or permission - which is doubly irritating for me since I haven't used that name in something like thirty-five years.

Though far more irritating is when you call up a shop and the fellow on the other end starts calling you 'honey'.

I loathe easy familiarity; it seems to me that it cheapens intimacy, and I'm a bit bewildered that most people don't seem to realize it. But then, I grew up in an extremely old-fashioned subculture.

That's it exactly. When someone uses my first name without my asking them to, it's a violation of my privacy.

Giving someone your name is inviting them to get to know you better.

I might chat to someone on the train, but I wouldn't tell them my name.

When someone uses my first name without my asking them to, it's a violation of my privacy.

I don't think "privacy" is quite the word... it isn't as if your first name is a secret. But it's a violation of something, even if I don't know the right word. And I kind of think the right word is needed, because a lot of these people don't seem to realize that they're violating anything, and unless we can explain it to them clearly, they never will.

Of course, even if we do explain it to them clearly, they could still continue it, but they wouldn't have ignorance as an excuse any more...

since I haven't used that name in something like thirty-five years

You will always be Mistral to me. 8-)

What, even in the herafter? ;-P

Why should we stop using nicknames in Heaven?

Er, that should be hereafter. Don't want a sexist heaven, do we?

How the British use names

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