Friends

[watervole]

 I've seen people say that friends online aren't real friends and that no matter how many you have, only the people you actually meet in the flesh count as social interaction.

I think that's both true and not true.

I love being with friends in the flesh, but that often isn't possible.  Few people locally share my interests, and I hate travelling (well, I hate driving and trains are currently out of my budget unless there's a very good reason).

Sometimes friends online are a real bonus.  I won't always comment in your journals, but I'm reading them, and I know, even when you don't comment often that you're reading mine (because when the right topic comes up, I suddenly see you commenting).

I think of the curious and tenuous original links that have produced friends I value online:

The Czech lady who used to buy Blake's 7 fanzines off me.

The mother of a women I once discussed 'Stargate' with in a queue at Redemption.

The friend of a friend whom I found shared interests with in a wine bar (and who actually owns a kantele).

The Australian friend who used to write filk songs with when she was able to visit me in England.

The American lady who writes so well about horses and her ranch and her work as a techie.

The shy geek I first met when I organised a breakfast club at a Worldcon.

The morris dancer from up north who also write excellent gay romance.

The friend I met via Blake's 7 who now works in the justice system in spite of being qualified in metallurgy.

The friend (whom I can't even remember where I met him, but it was probably Redemption) who help at his local library.

The friend I met when teaching a filk session who also loves growing veg.

The German friend whom I met at a theatre where Gareth Thomas was appearing in 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and who writes so wonderfully on so many topics (and writes great fan fic too)

Another friend who I found through her fanfic, especially Sherlock, but went on to read all the rest.

The friend whom I met through 'Who's 7' and who is currently being screwed over by her boss.

So many more.  The list is smaller as many have left Livejournal and Dreamwidth, but I value those who remain.  You enrich my lives even though I never see most of you in the flesh and see the remainder of you too rarely.  You would all be welcome in my home, as you are in my inbox.

Comments

[selenak]

I definitely regard many of my online friends as real friends. In earlier centuries, there were friends who maintained their friendship "only" via correspondance because they were living in different countries, and could rarely, if at all, see each other. One famous example: Dr. Johnson and Boswell - when Boswell was tied up in Edinburgh, up to five years could pass without them meeting each other in the flesh. And no historian disputes their friendship. Modern media allows us to communicate faster, but it's still the same meeting of minds and emotions principle that forms friends.

...and if sometimes one can meet and watch memorable theatre complete with meeting the actors in a pub later, that's a terrific bonus. :)

[julesjones]

I'm old enough to remember the days of pen pals via letters with stamps on them. And even school friends I kept up with via letter after one or another of us had moved country. The internet just makes it cheaper and faster.

[pensnest]

There's been a popslash mini-con for years, now, because some of us decided that occasional weekend get-togethers would be even more awesome with more fellow-fans. A lot of the LJ conversation before the first one was along the lines of axe-murderers, and who would or would not tell their parents they were going to meet People They Knew From The Internet. It worked out spectacularly, and nobody showed up with an axe down their trousers...

Thanks to LJ, I have friends I'll probably never meet. And now that I'm looking at moving to a new town, I find that I want to try to make in-the-flesh friends who are more like my online friends, because that's the community I most enjoy being a part of.

I heartily agree with your last paragraph. Same for me.

[kerravonsen]

*hugs*
Must give you a call soon.

[lexin]

I have many friends I meet far too infrequently, if at all, but they're no less friends for that.

[ranunculus]

I definitely count you as a friend. I've met a number of people from my friends list over the years whom I would never have come in contact with without online contact. So I too vote that online friends are real friends.

[cdybedahl]

I've only heard the "online friends aren't real friends" thing from people who never had an actual online friend (as opposed to a Livejournal or Facebook "friend"). From my point of view, as someone with a quarter-century of online presence plus two ex-girlfriends and a wife I first got to know online, the claim is beyond ridiculous. Everything that lets people communicate can be a medium for friendship.

[rpdom]

The friend (whom I can't even remember where I met him, but it was probably Redemption) who help at his local library.

If you mean me, it would probably have been at a Discworld Convention where we met.

I do count you as a friend too.

I think the "online friends" thing has helped me break out of my previous shyness to a great extent. I started by getting on Usenet and eventually was talked into going to some meets, from there I went to a few events and finally got to meet some of the people I'd been conversing with.

It all grew from that. That's how I have many more friends now than I ever did before, and indirectly how I met my wife.

[edit]
You'd be more than welcome to visit us. Others have. Although the place is an absolute mess and you have to be wary if you are afraid of spiders.

[watervole]

i quite like spiders.

You're right, I think it was Discworld.

[catalenamara.livejournal.com]

Beautifully said. You'd always be welcome in my home as well.

[happytune.livejournal.com]

If Leicester ever beckons, there's always room for you here, amongst the chaos. :-)

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

I wonder if they said the same about the classic penfriend? Some people had lifelong friendships with people they could only contact with pen and paper...

[reapermum.livejournal.com]

Funny you should say that, in the earlier days here, before OH joined the crosswording and caravanning forums and blogs, he said you were the modern equivalent of having penfriends. And I thought "Yes, that about sums it up.".

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

Exactly... but without the need to fill up whole sheets of paper when you can't think of any news...

[vjezkova.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful - and the feeling is mutual.
Because I have my treasured friends here...and I always dream of getting rich to be able to organise an international meeting of my LJ friends - can you IMAGINE it?
I can´t thank you enough, my friend!

[decemberleaf.livejournal.com]

The feeling is mutual indeed. There's such a sense of camaraderie and interest and affection!