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Filk - The Curse of the Fatal Death
I always get inspired to write filks when Kathryn's staying... This is what our evil minds came up with while strolling towards the heath.
Written by Judith Proctor and Kathryn Andersen
Tune: English Country Garden
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction story?
I'll tell you now of some that I know,
For all the rest are rather gory.
Viruses are all the rage,
Here's a new bacteriophage --
In my laboratory.
I've a new disease that kills thousands with a sneeze,
In a science-fiction story.
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction space-ship?
Distortions are galore, as you vanish evermore
Through a giant time-and-space-rip
Decompression spoils your looks,
So do holes from grappling hooks,
Suffocation's nasty.
Leaks from coolant gas, when you fail to grab your mask
In a science-fiction space-ship.
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction space-fight?
Fleets of battleships will blow your world to bits,
As we demonstrate our alien might.
You're held fast by tractor beams,
Nobody can hear your screams;
Plasma bolts exploding.
Laser beams are nice, they can really cut and slice
In a science-fiction space fight.
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction duel?
You can be the hero, innocent and brave,
And I'll be cold and cruel.
We'll be fighting hand-to-hand
Oh tradition, ain't it grand!
I've got a new light-saber
When you fight with swords, then the audience applauds,
In a science-fiction duel.
How many different ways are there to die,
On a science-fiction planet?
You can lose your breath, as you get crushed to death,
'Neath a giant block of granite.
Eaten by carnivorous plants,
Flayed alive by fire-ants;
Eggs laid in your abdomen,
If they have their way, they'll rewrite your DNA,
On a science-fiction planet.
Written by Judith Proctor and Kathryn Andersen
Tune: English Country Garden
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction story?
I'll tell you now of some that I know,
For all the rest are rather gory.
Viruses are all the rage,
Here's a new bacteriophage --
In my laboratory.
I've a new disease that kills thousands with a sneeze,
In a science-fiction story.
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction space-ship?
Distortions are galore, as you vanish evermore
Through a giant time-and-space-rip
Decompression spoils your looks,
So do holes from grappling hooks,
Suffocation's nasty.
Leaks from coolant gas, when you fail to grab your mask
In a science-fiction space-ship.
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction space-fight?
Fleets of battleships will blow your world to bits,
As we demonstrate our alien might.
You're held fast by tractor beams,
Nobody can hear your screams;
Plasma bolts exploding.
Laser beams are nice, they can really cut and slice
In a science-fiction space fight.
How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction duel?
You can be the hero, innocent and brave,
And I'll be cold and cruel.
We'll be fighting hand-to-hand
Oh tradition, ain't it grand!
I've got a new light-saber
When you fight with swords, then the audience applauds,
In a science-fiction duel.
How many different ways are there to die,
On a science-fiction planet?
You can lose your breath, as you get crushed to death,
'Neath a giant block of granite.
Eaten by carnivorous plants,
Flayed alive by fire-ants;
Eggs laid in your abdomen,
If they have their way, they'll rewrite your DNA,
On a science-fiction planet.
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