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red kites, nightmares, mourning
I'm not sleeping too well. I had a really bad nightmare last night and got up early to get away from it. It managed to combine an old nightmare of mine about being late and being unable to find directions/catch the right train/persuade people to help me get there, with going to a funeral.
Teriffic...
I've also found that there's a whole string of apparantly harmless topics of conversation that can send my mind instantly spinning back to Rosalie. I was talking about reintroducing species back into England this afternoon. One of the classic successful reintroductions was that of the red kite. Where did I see my first red kite? Outside Rosalie's house.
Same thing when I went to a party this evening. I had to drift away from a couple of conversations that were inadvertantly reminding me of things she'd said or things that I associated with her.
I've already found it easier to drift away without explaining why I find a subject uncomfortable. The explanation causes me far more pain than the escape.
One friend gave me a sympathy card. He meant well, but I wish he hadn't. Things like that are simply reminders of death. I shall quietly put it in the bin.
Luckily, there were some studio photos taken of her family not long before she fell ill. There'll be prints to choose from at the funeral. I'll pick out a really good shot of her with her husband and children and use that to remember her by.
She was a happy, good-natured, loving person and that always came across in photos.
I still find it hard to believe she's gone.
Two days until the funeral. I still don't know what I'll wear. Silly really. I rarely have any problem with weddings. At least half of my wardrobe is ethnic/folkly/fannish and a fair chunk of what is left is pracical (cord trousers, wooly jumpers, sweatshirts). I don't own much in the 'smart' category. I usually wear the ethnic/folky stuff to weddings. Actually, I don't think Ros would mind at all if I wore that to her funeral. She used to like the same stuff herself before she started work for an accountancy firm (and was starting to drift back to far more casual/colourful clothes when she left work to have children).
She asked for no black at the funeral.
No replies please.
Teriffic...
I've also found that there's a whole string of apparantly harmless topics of conversation that can send my mind instantly spinning back to Rosalie. I was talking about reintroducing species back into England this afternoon. One of the classic successful reintroductions was that of the red kite. Where did I see my first red kite? Outside Rosalie's house.
Same thing when I went to a party this evening. I had to drift away from a couple of conversations that were inadvertantly reminding me of things she'd said or things that I associated with her.
I've already found it easier to drift away without explaining why I find a subject uncomfortable. The explanation causes me far more pain than the escape.
One friend gave me a sympathy card. He meant well, but I wish he hadn't. Things like that are simply reminders of death. I shall quietly put it in the bin.
Luckily, there were some studio photos taken of her family not long before she fell ill. There'll be prints to choose from at the funeral. I'll pick out a really good shot of her with her husband and children and use that to remember her by.
She was a happy, good-natured, loving person and that always came across in photos.
I still find it hard to believe she's gone.
Two days until the funeral. I still don't know what I'll wear. Silly really. I rarely have any problem with weddings. At least half of my wardrobe is ethnic/folkly/fannish and a fair chunk of what is left is pracical (cord trousers, wooly jumpers, sweatshirts). I don't own much in the 'smart' category. I usually wear the ethnic/folky stuff to weddings. Actually, I don't think Ros would mind at all if I wore that to her funeral. She used to like the same stuff herself before she started work for an accountancy firm (and was starting to drift back to far more casual/colourful clothes when she left work to have children).
She asked for no black at the funeral.
No replies please.