What gives you a sense of security?

[watervole]

I was pondering this one yesterday, because the answer is very different for different people.

Some people find a sense of security in having posessions, others in people, some in a particular place. Or it may be a combination of several of these.

Are your comfort needs low cost or high cost? Can you get as much relaxation from buying a second-hand glass costing 50p as from a new set of matching glasses costing £30? (I actually go out looking for single second-hand sherry glasses, as I tend to break them. I find glasses without stems are much safer as I don't knock them over if my hands are playing up. I just look for single, pretty glasses.)

I think I find the biggest security blankets are family and friends. Had a good cuddle with waveney this morning. Very theraputic. Chatted to exalted_mugwump yesterday, also theraputic. Likewise going to see Les Barker with micavity on Saturday. That's why I like conventions so much. The programme is great, but without knowing that my friends were going to be there as well, I wouldn't even bother stirring from bed.

Novacon was great, but the highlight was writing filk with dougs. Actually, the other high spot was the instant positive feedback from many people when the orbital_2008 team anounced we were doing an Eastercon bid. It's good to feel valued by people whose opinions you value.

Fandom is definitely part of my comfort zone. It's the most important community in my life and the essence of any community is that it supports you and you support it.

There are places as well. There's a meadow in Corfe Mullen where I can lie down in the long grass in summer and listen to the crickets. I can relax in a hammock in my garden. There's a part of the Peak District that will be part of my soul as long as I live. And there's home. One of the reasons we so rarely re-decorate is that we don't feel the need for constant change. Continuity is security.

For my sons, one of the places that is very important to them is my mother-in-law's (the incomparable Molly) house in Kent. It's a lovely old building with a large garden, but it's also made special by her caring, but practical and no-nonsense approach to life.

Places and people are enduring. I have posessions that I would miss, and yet I'm struggling to think of any that it would break my heart to lose. Even then, it is the link to a person that often makes them special. I have a lovely silver broach that Richard gave me once. I love it as a broach, but I also love it because he knew so exactly what I would like.

This chain of thought was sparked off by two things, a posting by entorien http://www.livejournal.com/users/entorien/24432.html but also by a seashell that I keep on my windowsill.

It's a rather pretty shell, large enough to fill the palm of my hand. It's very tactile, having both spines and a smooth inner surface. It was given to me completely unexpectedly by an American friend after my sister Rosalie died and I found it comforting to hold and touch. If the house caught fire, I think the first thing I might grab would be that sea shell.

What kind of things in life are important to you?

What kind of things make you happy? (and for how long?)

Where do you feel most relaxed?

Comments

[snowgrouse.livejournal.com]

I feel best when I have enough money to live and travel to see/otherwise keep in touch with my beloved ones. I think I'd die without the Internet, since my best friends are all scattered across the world.

I feel most comfortable in the arms of a beloved, truly beloved. Hugging a friend. Alone in the woods where no-one can see me, except the animals. Singing old Finnish song-poems and shamanic chants, feeling at one with nature and full of love and joy. And of course, the sauna. Where I can put my feet up, lay down in the soft heat and rest and be purified. In the countryside.

And of course, whenever there are cats around. There are days I when I couldn't get out of bed if it weren't for Noki wanting her morning cuddle.

Thank you so much for this post:). Exercises in gratitude do soothe the mind.

[sugoll.livejournal.com]

I find my guitar very comforting, sometimes - it's good to just relax into the music.

I find certain groups of people comforting - people who I know, and with who I know I'll get on well, and (this is important) get on well with each other, too.

It's very comforting to be working on a technical software problem, and making progress. The feeling of being able to write something that solves a hard problem, and does so well, is indescribable.(I suspect the same applies to any kind of creation.) The converse applies: I'm uncomfortable managing people, especially if I can't connect well.

[watervole.livejournal.com]

I find some editing work relaxing, and embroidery too.

Technical stuff can drive me crazy. I've just been trying a few of the audio-steaming things that people have recommended and I don't even know where to start with them. I can't make them do what I want to do and I have so little familiarity with this machine that I barely know how to download things, let alone find the instructions and make sense of how to use them. I click on the obvious buttons (like 'start recording') and nothing happens.

[sugoll.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes - that kind of thing is the opposite of comforting. I was talking more about writing software from scratch. Hence the creation. Dealing with someone else's badly-written stuff isn't good at all. :-)

[kerravonsen]

What gives me security? Or what gives me serenity/peace?

The most secure and serene I've been has been when I've felt the presence of God, some spiritual experience... and they don't necessarily come when you call. Though I've been learning a lot lately.

Other peaceful things: just sitting outside somewhere where I can look at nature in balmy weather (say, sunny 20 degrees, lovely); whether that's just sitting at the bus stop looking at lovely clouds or in a nice park or on a beach... or strolling (but not brisk walking, then you miss everything); not being in a hurry. I can't necessarily cite particular places, because a lot of them are gone. I'll never swing in a hammock from the willow tree in my Aunts' garden again, because they cut down the willow tree many years ago. I'll never stand on the balcony at my other Aunt's place at Cowes looking out at the waves breaking on the beach below again, because she's sold the house. I'll never see any of my childhood haunts again, because we moved, or they changed. C'est la vie. One will find new places.

Lying in the dark with headphones on listening to favourite music (like John Michael Talbot's "The Lord's Supper", or Iona, or something like that)

Important: friends and family.

Posessions... I have had a habit in the past to go and buy something to cheer me up when I'm down, but it's a rather stupid thing to do, cuz the comfort don't last.
If I lost all my posessions, I think what I'd miss most would be the irreplaceable (out of print) books. I think I still find books more worthwhile than video things, as evidenced by today when I had all these intentions to watch DVDs and ended up reading an old favourite book instead!
Also my own creations (whether that be art or fiction). I know what you mean about things becoming more precious because of the associations with particular people, though.

What do I like doing best? Creating things. I'm blessed that I have a lot of options for the kinds of things I can create, whether that is programs, stories, poems, art of various kinds, craft of various kinds... though quite a few of those have been neglected of late (while new things have taken the forefront).
Other class of favourite things: being with/chatting with my good friends. There are people whom it cheers you up just to think about them -- how much better to be with them!

Writing filks with watervole comes under both categories (grin).

[lizblackdog.livejournal.com]

For me, it's people. My collection of friends, my lover, my family and my dogs. Possessions are nice, but they always feel too ephemeral and undependable to me - and I've lost them all and had to start over too often to derive any real security there. Friends, though, have a way of being unlosable - even when I've been quite certain my life and theirs would never touch again.

*grin*

[watervole.livejournal.com]

*grin* indeed.

[kalypso-v.livejournal.com]

I become more and more invested in my house. I think it's becoming an extension of me, or maybe vice versa. There's still a lot I need to do (which could apply either to the house or to my life). But I'm never quite as glad as when I come home.

Sadly ...

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

... and I think I can blame my childhood for this ... I don't think I bind as tightly to my friends as they do to me ... it's lovely seeing them again (at conventions or other events) but if I don't see them for weeks or months or years ... then it doesn't matter ... you could look at the upside of that and say that my friendships are not destroyed by time and space, or the downside that I am bad at keeping in touch and doing the little things that keep a friendship bright.

I'm very lucky in my friends in that most of them are either ok with the time/space gaps, or are willing to put in the effort to phone me, email me etc. to keep things going ... and I really appreciate that.

I don't think it's selfishness (or laziness) on my part that stops me replying as often as I feel I should, or stops me contacting my many friends ... but I'm not sure what it *is*.

There is certainly a comfort and security (for me) in buying stuff, and in having stuff "just in case" or "for when I get some free time".

From when I was younger I know I can start over in a new place and make new friends ... but the (few) memories I carry forward are mostly of music, objects ... and mistakes I've made (things done, and things failed to do). I've lost the names and faces of most of my friends even from university (and the names of the lecturers etc.) and yet the embarrassing incidents still burn in my mind :-(

I'm not sure I have a sense of security in *anything* or *anywhere* and from time to time I think about just letting everything go ...

[cobrabay.livejournal.com]

I feel secure when my job is secure and the bills are paid. I was made redundant very early on in the first full time job I had, and it affected me strongly. I also went through a protracted period of about 6 years when each year I was either put on notice of redundancy or I saw which way the wind was blowing and transferred out of a unit weeks (in one case days) before the unit was reorganised out of existance. So job, or rather income security is very important to me.

Beyond that, well I feel most truly secure, happy and content when I'm with S. (WINOLJ), when I'm with her everything else fades into minor issues to be dealt with at leisure. Being at my parents house makes me relaxed and secure (they still live in the house I grew up in from age 4) partly because of the familiarity but mostly because I get on very well with my parents (for which I'm very grateful). Being with friends and among fandom is important to me, despite mostly being a fairly solitary person, or perheps because of it. No matter how stressed I am beforehand, I relax as soon as I step into a con.

Of the minor "securities", having a book, a brolly, and multi-tool with me whenever I leave the house ranks fairly high.

[watervole.livejournal.com]

I can massively relate to the security of a steady job. After Richard was made redundant, we went through massive stress for several years. We still don't have a steady income, but the mixture of part-time jobs seems to be stable enough now to be able to plan ahead. Having said that, if he was offered a steady job tomorrow at less than we currently make from the part time stuff, I'd urge him to take it just for the stability.

I know the security of always having a book with you. I like that even though reading can be physically painful. for me, it's book *and* book rest.

[temeres.livejournal.com]

Having pondered over this, and looked at the replies to date, I'm beginning to wonder if I have a comfort zone at all...

Money's pretty important. Not being stinkingly rich or anything, just knowing that I have enough to tide me over for a few months should everything go tits up all of a sudden. I don't have anyone I can fall back on in an emergency, so financial security matters a lot.