I'm so glad you like it! I was thinking of you mainly when I wrote it.
It took a lot of rewrites to try and get the rhythm I wanted. (Though 'state' was partly me confusing Reich and Reichen!)
It's also important to me to avoid unnatural sentence structures like: “A curse on the King of the wealthy, whom often “Our misery vainly attempted to soften;
(ending lines in an English poem with a verb always strikes me as desperation...)
How about: A curse on the king, the king of the rich, Even our pain could not move him a stitch.
Or A curse on the King, the king of the rich, Even our pain couldn't cause him to switch. He stole our last coins, that we needed to eat, And let us be shot, like dogs in the street We're weaving. We're weaving!
Deutschland was a very conscious choice, for exactly the reason you give:)
Re: *applauds*
It took a lot of rewrites to try and get the rhythm I wanted. (Though 'state' was partly me confusing Reich and Reichen!)
It's also important to me to avoid unnatural sentence structures like:
“A curse on the King of the wealthy, whom often
“Our misery vainly attempted to soften;
(ending lines in an English poem with a verb always strikes me as desperation...)
How about:
A curse on the king, the king of the rich,
Even our pain could not move him a stitch.
Or
A curse on the King, the king of the rich,
Even our pain couldn't cause him to switch.
He stole our last coins, that we needed to eat,
And let us be shot, like dogs in the street
We're weaving. We're weaving!
Deutschland was a very conscious choice, for exactly the reason you give:)